When Fear Takes Over

When Fear Takes Over

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On Sunday, I felt like I was physically able to go to church. This was only the second time this year that I felt like I could go. As I started the getting ready, I realized I was afraid. Fear had begun to take over.

You see, my husband and I have worked hard making sure the house was safe for me and every possible trigger is avoided. There is a dark room for bad moments, my medications are laid out and all of the other things that seem mundane to most people are taken care of. Every single detail of my environment is controlled by us.

Church (or any public place for that matter) is anything but a controlled environment. In this setting the fluorescent lights are bright, room deodorizers are used, the music is loud, people wear perfume and the list goes on and on. Any one of these alone can trigger a Hemiplegic Migraine but when you combine them, it is likely a recipe for disaster.

This realization brought something to the forefront, that I was coming very close to being afraid to leave my home. In trying to make a safe environment, I had created my cocoon. I had created a place to lock myself safely away. Fear was becoming my friend.

I wondered how people could get to the point where they couldn’t leave their house and now I knew. It doesn’t happen overnight…it creeps up on you. In creating a haven you slowly create your prison.

#fear #chronicillness #migraine #hemiplegicmigraineI did make it to church on Sunday and I crashed in exhaustion after we got home. I faced the fear of not having control of my environment and everything was just fine.

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7 thoughts on “When Fear Takes Over

  1. That reminds me of something my doctor said..I had a kidney transplant and am on immunosuppresants forever now. I hesitate sometimes for fear of getting sick. He said, “You can’t live in a Bubble.” Church, I think is one of tbe best places for overcoming your fear.Kudos

  2. Good for you for making through church. I know just how hard it is to power through difficult situations where you have no control over all that is going on, and it can be overwhelming scary. Great post!

  3. Jen, I’m so glad you made it to church and so glad your husband is so supportive of you. You are so strong and brave and inspiring. I hope you have an easier week ahead of you and you are able to get out more regularly in the coming weeks.
    Love you!

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