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Over the past couple of years, my ability to walk long distances had decreased drastically. Very little activity will leave me exhausted and sweating profusely. I made a decision to get two different types of mobility devices so I can get out of the house for longer periods of time. There is just one problem, I am hesitant to use them.
I guess I have to admit here that pride is one of the reasons that I am not eager to use my wheelchair and my Rollator. It is obvious that I worry way too much about what people are going to think. I do need them because when I don’t use them, I can barely get down one aisle in a store and I have to leave. But I feel like that is the part that people don’t see.
That is the problem with an invisible illness and it is a hard battle to fight. If someone does get the idea that you don’t “need” to use it then the looks are horrible. I know because I have seen people glare at me when I have used the in store wheelchairs.
Admitting to Myself that I need Mobility Devices is Hard
The other reason that I am hesitant to use the mobility devices is because it is hard to admit to myself that I need them. I desperately want to be able to go to the grocery store like everyone else but the truth is that I just can not do that. If I push myself to the complete point of exhaustion, it will take me up to a week to recover.
So, I might be prideful and I most definitely am stubborn but the difference is made when I use them and I am able to get through an entire store! It does me so much good to be able to do the things that I need to do. I makes me feel great to know my husband doesn’t have to make 2 trips to the store because I wasn’t able to make it long enough the first time.
Change of Attitude
A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about going to my step-grandson’s football game called, When a Win Feels Like a Defeat. This is a time when I should have used my wheelchair and didn’t. It took an entire week to recover from the physical exhaustion it caused. This was the experience that made me rethink my attitude toward my mobility devices.
I realized that in order to live a fuller life that I have to use them. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, it doesn’t matter what others think and it doesn’t matter what looks I get. I don’t want to spend 5 minutes somewhere and have to leave. It is important to me that I am able to go and enjoy myself…I want to live my life no matter what it takes. That means occasionally using my wheelchair and on better days using my rollator.
It was at this time a decision was made that I would indeed be using the wheelchair on our trip to Washington DC. It is not the decision that I wanted to make and it is not the way that I really wanted to do it. BUT it is the only way to ensure that I will be able to physically do all of the things that we want to do while we are there.
Do you have a love-hate relationship with your mobility devices? If so, how do you handle it?